DO WA DITTY DITTY

When I started out on Facebook

I took it nice and slow

A "comment" here and then a "share"

Let those creative juices flow

As my posting comfort level grew

So did my output level

A silly rant a naughty rave

My friends said "Rick, you Devil."

And then the Instigator said

"A blog's the thing for you."

The Motivator egged her on

Said "It's just the thing to do."

So now you stare upon the words

That tumble from my brain

This blogging certainly is some fun

I shall be doing this again.

A LITTLE RANDOMNESS

A guy driving in front of you bops from lane to lane, never once using a signal light, only to get stuck behind someone plodding along under the speed limit with his signal light blinking merrily away. Wow Karma and Newton's Third Law of Motion working together. Cool.

Religion, a billion dollar industry, with enough variation to make anyone happy. Porn, a billion dollar industry with enough deviance to make anyone happy. Yin and Yang, more balancing of the universe.

Money cannot buy happiness...but it would buy a jetpack...which would make me happy...if there were jetpacks to buy...which there is not...money cannot buy happiness.

I like fresh fruits and vegetables but I also like hot dogs and fried spam. I think about how crazy skydivers are, risking their lives like that, while riding my motorcycle on Deerfoot trail at rush hour. I have a current cell phone, a lap top and an iPod but also a VHS player a reel to reel and a turntable. I am a complex and mysterious kind of fella.

My wife is a hottie...after 20 sumthin' years married to me...still a hottie. This is not just me thinking this...other guys too. I know this because other guys hit on her. Which is cool with me because I am her man and I know this because she tells me so. Women don't hit on me, though. Which I do understand as I do own a mirror and a scale. Had a guy hit on me a couple of years ago but he was just making his boyfriend jealous and I was nearby.

I do not do drive through anything. Not coffee, not food, not weddings not anything. Don't know why, they are just as likely to screw up my order inside as out. Just don't like it.

I think my brain is broken. When people post those word search things on facebook and tell me 90 percent of all people will see the same word right off the bat, I think to myself "What the hell does 'XFERBLUNPH' mean?" On the other hand, there is also those "Name a Band/City/Song Title/Sexual Position that does not have the letter (pick a letter) in it" I find these so simple I must be missing something. Anybody with a RUDIMENTARY understanding of the English language and a grade 3 education can figure these things out. Unless, as I said, I am missing something. In which case, never mind.

WHERE'S MY JET PACK?

Science and technology has abandoned me, crushing my childhood dreams in the process. Where is my jet pack? 

I am not the first to whine about this very thing. Many others have noted that the personal jet pack, developed back in the 1960's and used by James Bond, has never made it into general use. Why not? While we're at it, where's my flying car? It, too, exists (check www.moller.com) and I want one. What the hell is going on?

In 1962 President Kennedy said we would go to the moon. In 1969 there we be. In seven years we go from a little piece of crap satellite wobbling about in low earth orbit to putting a man on the moon...seven years. So, it's been 44 years and my patience, and hair, are wearing thin. I want my 21st century futuristic goodies.

I may sound like a petulant 6 year old not getting his way but come on, its been 44 years. What have we accomplished in that time? Do we have a colony on the moon? Space stations the average joe can go visit? A stable population? Efficient, clean alternative energy? A healthy environment? World peace?

I'll tell you what we have. We have a mobile phone. In 44 years we have taken our best and brightest, thrown a crap load of money at them and said "The only thing the world needs is a mobile phone." And here we are. Want to watch a movie? It's on your phone. How about a mini computer? On your phone. Want to take pictures, listen to music, send a message, make your own movie, find out where you are, find out where your friends are, find out how to get there? All on your phone. Oh yeah, I think it still makes phone calls too. Or at least there's an App for that.

I'm going outside for a bit. Gonna gaze at the moon a bit. Dream a bit.

Still want a jet pack.

FASHION...HUH?

Fashion rules baffles me.

I realise you only need to walk into a Wal-Mart to see that fashion baffles a lot of people but that is not what I mean. I mean all the rules about fashion baffle me. All the do's and don'ts, what to wear, when to wear it, what goes with what. Those of us born without the "good fashion sense" gene want a rule book. Not some doofus fashion magazine article extolling mauve is the new chartreuse or some book intended for those with Bill Gates kind of money but an explanatory rule book.

Why can't I wear white after Labour day? Did some 319 year old rich biddy in a white jumpsuit fall in a snowbank and lay lost until Memorial Day?

Why do I need to wear a tuxedo to go to the opera or symphony? (Don't ask why I would want to go in the first place). Does the bow tie, sufficiently tight, constrict the blood flow to the point you enjoy the show?

Why can't I wear socks with sandals? Feet are not pretty, they should be disguised.

Why can't I wear blue jeans on so many golf courses? Ankle socks, yellow plaid shorts, a lime green striped shirt and a baseball cap are ok, though. I don't even have a theory.

Why can a woman wear pants and a shirt and tie and no one will bat an eye but I step out in a slinky black number and stilettos...oh, never mind, I get that one.

The list goes on. I want a rule book.

TEST

This is just a test. If this were a real blog, well, there would be blogging. This is a test. Go back to doing whatever.