THE INTERNET AND ME.

The Internet is a pretty darn cool tool. There is access to music, film, communications, books, educational resources, all sorts of nifty stuff. Oh, and if you search long and hard (pun intended) you might find some porn. Not that I'm the type of guy who would go in search of such things, porn, I mean. But sometimes it finds you.

In my ongoing attempt to broaden my knowledge, I was doing an Internet search for the effects busy coastal airports have on the migratory patterns of certain coastal birds; specifically, the blue footed booby. I typed in the search words "boobies and landing strips"...oh my, oh dear, Mr. Google where have you taken me? Those are not birds...well, I suppose if your a fan of British slang...but not the birds I was looking for. Nor, I fear, is that what I meant by landing strips. Just a peak then...for educational purposes of course...ooh, consider my knowledge base broadened and my face a-blushing.

That, unfortunately, was not my only sojourn into the darker side of the Internet. A while back I was wondering if women motorcycle riders suffered from dangerous increases in body core temperature when wearing proper riding gear as opposed to regular street wear. This led to the totally innocent Google inquiry "Hot Girls/ Tight Leather". Good grief...Really? What is wrong with people?  Jeez, I'm trying to do some real research here. Um, maybe just a quick peek.

Then there was the truly horrifying event of 2014. I was watching a documentary on the construction of the Empire State building and wondered what the current record holder for tallest building in the world was? This also made me wonder if there are separate world records for buildings, towers, and antennae. So, wanting to combine all of the above in a simple search string, who wouldn't type  "World's Tallest Erection"...let me tell you now, before you try this for yourself, do not search "World's Tallest Erection" because bad things will appear and self esteem may disappear.

So, does this mean that all Internet roads lead to porn? Not necessarily. But there is a certain amount of care required in the choice of search phrases. I have learned this lesson very well and my choice of research projects on the 'net reflects that.

Okay, new research topic..."Does wearing see through yoga pants while topless cause extreme breast augmentation?" Well, according to Google...

JOKE OF THE DAY

I thought I'd try something new for this blog post. I'm going to tell a joke; as opposed to a rant or rave or a story.

Here we go.

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar...oh wait...this might be construed as sexist.

Better try another one.

A priest, a rabbi, and and a druid walk into a bar...darn, I think this might upset all those of a religious bent.

Lets try this one then.

A gay, a lesbian, and a transgender walk into a bar...oops, don't want to offend the LGB, LGBT, LGBTQ, or LGBTIQ. Not sure which one is proper usage so included them all...I hope. Don't want to offend when trying not to offend.

Okay, lets try this.

A Native American, an African American, and an Asian American walk into a bar...racist? Oh, right...sorry.

Thank goodness I have a bit of a repertoire.

An family of fat folks walk into a McDonald's...um, body shaming? Ah yes, I have heard about this.

Next then.

After a workout a sweaty woman walks into a Tim Horton's...what? Sweat shaming? That's a thing?
Fine.

A dog a cat and a...my, oh my, forgot about the animal activists.

A cow, a pig, and a chicken walk...well, heck...vegetarians.

Two drunks are sitting at a bar...hmmm, recovering addicts.

An old man and woman...is that someone from AARP knocking at the door?

One last kick at the can.

Three androgynous humanoid-like creatures were standing in the middle of a nondescript area, saying nothing, doing nothing, just staring off into space and...really? The International Association for the Protection of Rights for the Humour Impaired?

I am imagining Aldous Huxley and George Orwell sitting in an afterlife Starbucks having a cup of tea discussing the current state of our society...

Aldous: "Well, George, I sure as hell didn't see that coming."
George: "Nope, me either. What a bizarre twist. Wish I thought of it."

Postscript:
If a joke is told in the forest but nobody is there to hear it...Is somebody still offended?