BORED AND LAZY

Just me and "Her Royal Muttness" in the house at the moment. The Explorer is already at work and I don't start work today for a couple of hours. What to do, what to do? Nothing on TV, dishes can wait, Facebook holds no interest and if I get back into my current reading (a terrific bit of work by Vernor Vinge) I'll end up lost for the whole day (not necessarily a bad thing). Rats, looks like I should write something.

Unfortunately, I'm not only feeling bored but also lazy. Got some tunes on and have plunked my ass in a chair and propped my laptop on...well...my lap. Now all I need is a topic. I have three partially completed posts that don't seem to be going anywhere so I think, and here is the lazy part, I shall just throw them all in today's soup and, as I aspire to literary pretensions, call them vignettes. And yes, I get the irony of aspiring to literary pretension.

I do my best thinking in the shower. Lots of hot water and soap result in lots of slippery, soapy thoughts. These thoughts do tend to be fairly one tracked, and adult in nature, but pretty dang good thinking.

As I wander aimlessly through my autumn years, contemplating the meaning of life, I become more and more horrified at the thought that Monty Python got it right.

I wear glasses. I  tried contacts years and years ago but just can't stand poking myself in the eyes. One of the most annoying thing about glasses is having to clean them. An entire industry has been built around the proper care and cleaning of glasses because, ask any eye wear company, glasses are delicate and must be cleaned only with the most expensive, and preferably their, products. I paid a shit load of money for my glasses and the "Anti Scratch Technology" that goes with it and I cant use water and a hunk of toilet paper to clean them? Good grief, that paper is soft enough for my delicate bum but will scratch my lenses? I clean my house and car windows with chemicals and paper towel and not a scratch to be seen. Smells like corporate conspiracy to me.

I am going to take a quick break here. There stereo is playing Emerson, Lake & Palmer "C'est la vie" and requires closed eyes and great volume...

Back now and have added moody to bored and lazy.

I have lots of good friends but my best friend is my wife, The Explorer. There are lots of reasons why she is my best friend but mostly because she still likes to join me in a hot shower for soapy adult thoughts. There, we have now come full circle.

One quick note to my friend Liberty. This post is what happens when I follow your advice and just sit down and write... without direction...just writing. Even I think this post is strange. On the up side, it did clear out some partial bits of wordplay that didn't seem to be going anywhere so...Thanks?

GETTING OLD?

I was sitting out on the deck this morning, enjoying my coffee and the beautiful July weather, when I was struck, out of the blue, with a disturbing thought. Holy shit...I'm 57 years old...I'm middle aged! I can get seniors discounts at restaurants! Kids at stores say "Can I help you sir" and I don't turn around looking to see if my Dad is standing behind me. When the hell did this happen? Stepped into the bathroom and had a good look in the mirror (hmmm, need to trim the nose hairs)...well, still me...but not 25 year old me. Getting a little depressed and that, my friends, leads to this.

I started taking stock of what this middle aged man has done lately.

1) Took the bike out to Revelstoke area for a weekend of camping with friends. My oldest son and my nephew came along to join the old farts and show us how to party. Late on the first evening, shortly after the park ranger asked, politely, if we would turn down the tunes a bit (we did), we tucked the kids into their sleeping bags and the old farts continued on. Repeated same on night two. Boy, those two 20-somethings sure showed us a thing or two about partying. (Insert sarcastic snort and chuckle here)

2) The lovely Explorer was out on the deck with her back to the door. I snuck up behind her and lightly tickled the back of her neck. She jumped up swatting at non-existent bugs then saw me...I ran away giggling like a school girl. The fact I live to write this is proof of her love.

3) Had nothing new to read one Sunday and the library was closed. Went digging through some boxes of books scheduled to be donated when I came across an old Heinlein novel I first read as a kid. Read it again and enjoyed it as much as I did the first time.

4) Rode out to Springbank with a buddy to see the Springbank Airshow. Spent hours wandering around with a smile on my face. Ooh, look at that...wow, that's so cool. The CF-18 demonstration plane had my heart racing and my brain awestruck.

5) Was at the grocery store pushing a loaded cart...the aisle was empty of other people... got the cart up to speed and hopped on the back for a ride. Did it again in the parking lot. Yup, still fun.

6) Saw a commercial on TV for the new Sharknado movie "Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!" I was so excited about this I checked the TV every day until it came up on the schedule and I could set it to record. Then saw an ad for "Lavalantula"! Yup, recording that too. Not sure what demographic the movie makers are shooting for here but know it's not mine...and I don't care...bring on the sharks and scantily clad beach bunnies.

7) Went to Mom and Dad's place for Mom's birthday. Mom said the camping weekend sounded like fun, Dad said he wished he tagged along to the airshow. Mom said her golf game is coming along nicely and Dad said his ain't quite what it was...they both still walk the golf course...carts are for sissies or the aged and infirm, apparently.

So, where does this short little personal stock taking leave me? Well, the hair is greying and thinning and the body is slowing a bit but, shit. I'm still havin' fun!

Right...bring on the next 57 years...I am ready to rock.