BOYS CLUB

I am a member of the Association of North American Men Without a Clue. We get together once a month and discuss the things we know about the women we love and why they haven't killed us in our sleep. What this means is, in every chapter meeting all across the continent, we sit in a circle and stare at each other for an hour, shrug our shoulders in unison and then go for a beer or six.

Membership is fairly easy, only four things required.

1) All prospective members must be married and have been so for at least 10 years. This shows a certain level of commitment and a goodly number of the various self preservation genes. Those who have succumbed to the so called "7 Year Itch" or have taken a "Break" need not apply. We, as members may not know what the hell is going on but we will keep plugging away.

2) Colours. All prospective members must be firm believers in the existence of 9, and only 9, colours. These colours are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, black, white, pink and purple. Pink and purple being in the group so you can appear worldly. Three hundred and fourty seven shades of white does not make sense in our clueless world.

3) Footwear for the Men Without a Clue is not a fashion statement but a functional part of daily living. Prospective members will own one pair of black dress shoes, one pair of tennies, one pair of footwear relating to work (unless black dress shoes fit the bill), one pair of winter boots and any footwear relating to specific sports. The only exceptions would be sandals complete with black socks and slippers shaped like cartoon characters or fuzzy animals.

4) Permission slip. If you need this explained you are not member material.

We are the clueless. This does not mean we are stupid, it's not the same thing. We are happily committed to women who, for whatever their reasons, feed us, look after us when we are sick, drag us to doctor appointments, make sure our shoes match before we walk out the door and a thousand other things that make us bearable in public.

We have no idea how we got here, why these lovely creatures picked us out of the herd or where we go next. Doesn't really matter though. Lead the way my love.

NEW STUFF.

Standing in my kitchen this morning and started wondering about the nature of time...well, sort of. My kitchen is about 12' x 12' or 144 square feet and within this not overly huge area there is, and this is just so weird, SIX clocks! One on the stove, the coffee maker, the microwave, the portable phone, the phone charging base and the decorative teapot shaped clock on the wall. And if I am in the kitchen it goes up to eight with my cellphone and wristwatch. A 30 second power failure pretty much defines how I spend the following hour.

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We all have our little quirks. Some stranger than others but harmless none the less. Most are even understandable to other people. The "Explorer", however, has one that I just don't get. The light of my life, the apple of my eye, my reason for life itself has a massive aversion to flat surfaces. Table top, kitchen counter, bathroom vanity, bedroom nightstand, it doesn't matter, if there is more than one square foot of flat surface it must be interrupted with something decorative. It is almost magical the way it happens. I can be in the kitchen, by myself, and clear the island of everything thus leaving a flat surface. Turn around to put something in the sink, turn back to the island and WHAMMO...a vase. I am both amazed and a little scared by her ability to do this.

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When did the rear windows in our cars change from something used to see what's behind us into billboards?

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Bicycle accident on major road, walked away; motorcycle accident on side street, walked away; passenger in car that hits a pole, walked away; passenger in car that hits another car on highway, walked away; several high speed falls on downhill skis, skied away; tossed off motorcycle doing a high speed braking demonstration in front of students, skulked away; tossed into a tree off of dirt bike, limped away; got the flu and end up in the hospital.  Apparently, it IS the little things in life...

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Every once in a while I think about getting a tattoo and then I think about what my mom might think and then I get scared and then I don't get a tattoo and I hear my dad saying "Smart move".