DESIGN BY COMMITTEE.

Most of us are familiar with the old saying "A camel is a horse designed by a committee." A saying that tells us that what ever is being referenced is pretty much goofy, illogical, useless, or more difficult to use than it needs to be. We all see or use or live through something like this fairly often...or maybe it's just me.

Here are three examples of what I mean and have dealt with, personally, in the last few months.

BOW TRAIL/CROWCHILD TRAIL INTERCHANGE.

This little beauty had me in her evil clutches a couple of months ago. Here we have two major roadways that actually cross but, near as I can tell, don't allow direct access from one to the other. I thought that couldn't possibly be right so I pulled up MapQuest and had a look at the intersection. Scratched my head in confusion. Then I went to Google and brought up an image of a ball of yarn that a meth addicted kitten had played with. Oddly similar.

Here is what I wanted to do: Merge off of Bow trail onto Crowchild trail then turn right on Memorial drive and head home.

Here is what I had to do: Drove down Bow trail in the far left lane because I wanted to turn left. Saw a sign on the far right that said "Crowchild Trail North Next"...the rest hidden by a tree. Well, crap, if the sign is way over there on the right...zoomed across three lanes of traffic just in time to catch the last word on the sign...next "Left"...crap,..zoomed back across three lanes of traffic and made a left. Don't know what street I'm on but follow for a bit to next intersection that says "No Left Turn" even though that's the way I have to go to Crowchild trail. Look across the intersection and see this goofy u-turn road. Zip across four lanes of traffic to goofy u-turn road, make u-turn then turn right. Speed up to merge onto Crowchild. Merge onto far left lane (weird) of Crowchild trail. See sign on far right that says "Memorial Drive Next Right" By my calculations that is in 17 feet...at 70 KPH. Zoomed, again, across three lanes of traffic and made the exit on two wheels. Safely on our way home I reach across and pry the Explorer's fingers out of the dashboard.

VEHICLE REGISTRATION AND INSURANCE.

I don't know what it's like elsewhere but here you must insure a vehicle before you register it. I needed to do both for my new old Nissan TARDIS (It's bigger on the inside...and really a Sentra) so headed off to my local AMA. I usually love the AMA...not this day. Stood in the information line to ask what needed to be done first because I couldn't remember. Got the answer and went to stand in the insurance line. Got to the front where they took my name and was told to take a seat. Sat around for a bit until an agent became free. Sat with her for a while as she seemed to struggle doing the insurance paperwork for the car...but at no time said anything was wrong. Finally printed off a pink slip and sent me over to registration. Stood in line there for a while. Finally get to my turn where a nice lady plugs away with my paper work and says "The Vehicle Identification Number (VIN) is not showing up as correct...is your car here?" Then this very nice lady came with me out to the car, checked the VIN, found out that the"6" should be a "G" and back we go. Now it all works. She prints off the registration and sends me back to change the VIN on the pink slip. Stand in line for a bit till it's my turn and told to have a seat. Finally get back with the same insurance agent who takes the paperwork and says "Oh, that was the problem. I couldn't find the VIN so I overrode the system and forced it."

"Um." says I.

TIM HORTON'S

I don't really care for Tim Horton's coffee, I find it a little weak and the new dark roast seems to be the same coffee in a dark cup. I do, however, like the food (except the donuts) quite a bit. So every once in a while I will head over to my local Timmie's for a breakfast sandwich, hash browns, muffin and, because I am there, a coffee. And this is where things start to bug me.

Upon entering, you stand in line to place your order. While waiting, a nice little old lady in a Timmie's uniform walks by and asks everyone how they are and if they are ordering food then wanders away. I don't know what this is about. Once you reach the till you place your order, check it and then pay. You then move over to the left where you stand in another line where you wait for your coffee and muffin. Coffee and muffin in hand you walk all the way across the store to stand in another line to wait for your sandwich and hash browns. This is weird. If I used the drive through I would only have to deal with one line...but I don't do drive through...because for all the mucking about inside, at least they get the order right. Drive through, about 1 in 10.

CARS

As most of you know I am a motorcycle guy. I love bikes. New ones, old ones, fast ones, slow ones, big ones, small ones; I like 'em all. (Well, almost all, don't like white ones.) Put me with a like minded soul and I will happily yak about bikes for hours.

Cars, on the other hand. not so much. For me the car is a way to get from point A to point B, in reasonable comfort, safety and in a timely manner. When other folks start talking cars, my eyes glaze over and I am likely to wander off in a trance and walk in a wall. In all fairness, of course, others do that when I talk bikes so, to each his own.

Now, to the point. I have a new (to me) car that I am quickly, much to my surprise, falling in love with it.

Due to an accident in September (not my fault), my last car was written off. I was quite sad about this as I had bought the car brand new, 10 years ago, and had enjoyed a reasonably trouble free time with the thing. I then had to go car shopping with the minuscule insurance payout I received from the insurance company, as I had no desire to finance a car.

 My oldest son, bless his conniving heart, found me a 1989 Nissan Sentra, (well within my budget) and gave me a call so I could go look at it. I had visions of a bit of a rust bucket with 500,000 kilometers and maybe a dead rodent or two nestled in the upholstery. Well, no such luck. It was low mileage, very low price, no body rust, new tires and search as I might not a rodent in sight...or smell.

Then the big test. I opened the door and slipped my 6 foot tall 210 pound frame behind the wheel. Adjusted said wheel, then the seat, then the mirrors...hey...I fit! Started it up and went for a drive. An underpowered puddle-jumper but with all lights and indicators working. No shimmy's or shakes at speed and brakes that work. Check out the goodies. Heater works and so does the A/C...wait...A/C? I got a car with A/C! Check the stereo...yup, all good..wait..is that..could it be? Yes! A cassette player! I still own cassettes...what a gem!

And now the weird thing.

I was at the supermarket the other day. Pulled into a spot and as I got out I checked to make sure I was not crowding the parking stripe on the drivers side. Finished shopping and was walking out and noticed there was a lot of space between the passenger side and the other parking stripe. Hmmm, the car is smaller than I thought.

Then, just a day or so later I pull into the driveway and my youngest son watches me get out and he asks how I fit in that tiny car and I said it's quite roomy inside. And then it hit me. Bigger on the inside than on the outside...

I own a 1989 Nissan "TARDIS"!

And if you don't know what a TARDIS is then firstly, shame on you, and secondly, GOOGLE it.

I be happy.