THE C.F.L. AND ME.

With only days to go before my oldest son's wedding, I am doing what any good father of the groom would do...thinking about football. As the groom's father I have the least amount of responsibility of any member of the wedding party. Somebody tells me where to be, when to be there, what to wear, and what to pay for...job done. This leaves me with time on my hands and thus thoughts of football.

It started with an innocent question from the Lovely Explorer last week. I was sitting in the living room watching a football game played by two East Division teams when she walked in and, after watching for a few minutes, asked "Who are we cheering for?" Good question. Who indeed? These are two teams that, at this point in the season, I don't really care who wins as it has no effect on the standings  of "MY" team. I'm watching because...well...it's football.

This did, however, get me to thinking. Can I create a list of who to cheer for, regardless of who is playing? Of course I can. The CFL only has 9 teams in total; 5 in the West Division and 4 in the East division. I got this.

Calgary vs Anybody. As Calgary is my town and the Calgary Stampeders is my team, this one is obvious...always Calgary.

West vs East. Playoff positioning aside, always cheering for the west. I live in the west and the east is full of Liberals, Treehuggers, Latte Drinkers, and other ne'er do wells. If the outcome affects Calgary in the playoff standings then cheer for whoever helps Calgary's position.

East vs East. Never Toronto, regardless of who they play. Think they're the centre of the universe but with a population in the GTA pushing 6 million they cant fill a 30,000 seat stadium? Screw them. Montreal in only one situation...playing Toronto, otherwise, nope. Horrible reason for this...ugly uniforms. Oh, and Montreal is a French Canadian city and I am obliged by my western heritage to be offended by this. Ottawa and Hamilton? This depends on my mood but Hamilton usually gets the nod...plucky underdogs...gotta like that.

West vs West. This one gets a little difficult as any outcome can affect where Calgary ends up in the West Division standings. If the outcome is important to Calgary then cheer for the team that helps Calgary in the standings. Otherwise, Winnipeg, no matter who they play. Next is B.C., unless they are playing Winnipeg. That leaves Saskatchewan vs Edmonton. Assuming there is no other game to watch or there is no "Friends" marathon on or every other channel available has stopped broadcasting, then cheer for...nope, can't do it...go read a book.

There. Hope that helps.

THOUGHTS ON SNOW

March, here in Calgary, is generally one of the heaviest snowfall months of the year. In a 40 hour stretch, at the beginning of the month, we received more snow in one shot than an average March in total. So, some thoughts.

            A haiku:
Snow, snow, snow, more snow.
Shovel, shovel, clutch at chest.
Heart stops, peace at last.

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A life timeline of  snow shoveling:
1) Watch your dad outside shoveling while you sit inside sipping hot chocolate.
2) Help your dad shovel snow while actually being in the way and doubling his work.
3) Take over shovelling duties with constant whining and complaining and turning a 45 minute job into a 3 hour ordeal.
4) Buy a house with full knowledge that you will not be spared constant shovelling.
5) Watch your young kid watch you shovelling snow as he sips hot chocolate.
6) Let your kid "help" with shovelling while clandestinely cleaning up his job thus doubling your work.
7) Listen to your kid whine and complain about forcing him to shovel snow and then watching him turn a 45 minute job into a 3 hour ordeal.
8) Back to shovelling your own snow but what used to be just a 45 minute job is now a 3 hour ordeal.
9) Move to a condo and watch someone else shovel your snow for money.
10) Die, and with any luck, end up in hell where it is nice and warm.

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Snow shoveling in your 50's is a lot like dressing a toddler for a day of tobogganing. Put on the long undies, heavy socks, snow pants, parka, toque, boots, gloves. Step outside. The cold hits and...I have to pee.

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Back when the lovely Explorer and I first started out together snow shovelling was just a thing I went out to do; no big deal. As I got older the Explorer started showing more concern about my well being, making sure I was properly dressed and minding the cold. Older still and she started telling me to make sure not only to  dress properly, but to protect my back and take breaks so I didn't keel over dead.

Just recently she mentioned how some guy had kind of hit on her and she felt pretty good about herself. During my sojourn outside to shovel the walks yet again, not a single word said about my well being. Made me wonder if she is thinking "Meh, if the old fart bites the big one, I still got options."

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Coming up next a blog about...oh look...it's snowing again.